The Inbetween

There's a new TV show I found recently called The InBetween. I like it. It's vaguely reminiscent of the old show, Medium, with Patricia Arquette. The InBetween is great diversionary television. Want to take your mind off things? Then a spooky crime show works well for that. The InBetween in the show refers to a state of being where the person is dead, but not at rest or dead but with unfinished business.

My kids have been pressuring encouraging me to write about some personal things in my blog. Writing about personal topics is not necessarily going to help my SEO, but I'm going to do it anyway...to a limited degree.

I've always wanted to write about my family and my life. Unfortunately, I've never felt comfortable doing so because there is always the risk that someone is going to be insulted.

When my father died last year, I thought, "Oh yes! Now I can write about him!" But, alas, no, I can't really because his estate is still up in the air, and I can't talk about any of it. My mother is 86, and I wouldn't want to say anything that would hurt her feelings or be misconstrued.

So, here I sit, somewhere in the InBetween. In limbo. I think the only way I'll be able to address any of this is if *I'm* the one who is dead. While I have no plans to die anytime soon, publishing my story posthumously might be the only answer.

I have a long history of depression, but I'm what's called a "high-functioning" depressive. Lucky me. That means I'm functional. I'm able to keep up with everyday tasks including work, despite being depressed most of the time.

Recently I was told that I had Complex PTSD, a diagnosis that's controversial and not even in the diagnostic references yet. It's a slightly different type of PTSD. And since all these things tie together, my grief over the loss of my father has now evolved to "Complicated Grief."

I don't wallow in this stuff; in fact, I'm able to remain relatively detached as if someone is telling me about someone else who is not me. That's probably what has allowed me to be high-functioning for many years.

Work is my saving grace. I like to work, and there is no room for any ruminations about old hurts when I am in flow. So, when I stroll down memory lane, a rutted road littered with vanquished hopes and forgotten dreams, I am grateful for a long list of articles that are on my to-do list and due next week. I am safe within the bubble of my concentration, as I try to understand the technology of CBD oil extraction or what tax deductions are refundable in Canada.

Writing about that other stuff can wait while I make myself comfortable in the InBetween. I like it here. So, if you have blogs that need writing, email me at cynthia at dearcynthia dot com. I still have some room on my dance card.